census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
