As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
