It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
