dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
