I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
