R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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