I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
