I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
