he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
