so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
