And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
