hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
