I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
