Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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