just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
