Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
