I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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