Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
