I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
