I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
