is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
