I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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