Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
