i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
