Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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