I think I died a long time ago.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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