youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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