The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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