you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you had me at cake vodka
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
