When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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