I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
