I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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