too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
