We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
