the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
