Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
