Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
