a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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