Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
