I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Randomize
