Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
