I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
