he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
