I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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