Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
