Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
