She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
