So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
