Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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