My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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