It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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