im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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