So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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