Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
