You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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