If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
