Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
