Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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