I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
