I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
