Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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