OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
