im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
