If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
