DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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