they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
