Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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