Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
