and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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