at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
