I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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