my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
