it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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