Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
