They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
