If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
