You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
