How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
