Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
