Me. At least after what I've been through.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
