did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
